What rights are there?

I was chatting on the phone with a friend of mine yesterday talking about her child she placed, and his parents.
Somehow we got to the topic of sort of "if's" (if this had happened, I would have done this)... And she said "I was told that if the adoptive family was found unfit the first 6months, I would be able to choose a different family, but if that had happened I think I would have kept him or had my parents raise him".

This got me thinking...

Do agencies do that? Call up a natural mom some months later to ask for her to do the family selection all over again? Can she change her mind at that point, and keep her baby? TPR is long gone and done, what rights will the agency allow her in finding parents for her child if this happens?

I am really curious now, about the "what if's".. Really curious... Especially if I consider a few mothers I know out there that would have taken that opportunity to reclaim and raise their child.

My gut says the agencies would not allow a natural mother to do that.. But am I just thinking that because the agencies constantly disappoint me, or do I have real reason to assume such a thing?

How often are adoptive parents found unfit during the finalization process and have their child pulled out of their home and re-placed with a new family?

Im SO interested now... Anybody have any information on this?

I dont wanna think about it!

There was a recent discussion about wether or not first families should be notified if the a-parents died, and if it would be an option to name the first parents as guardians in such a case.

This has been a discussion heavy on me and my friend Angie's mind lately...

Angie is a firstmom to a 2.5 yr old little girl. When she heard this question posed, she felt right away that it would be wrong for her to become guardian to her daughter, in a whole new area with people she dosnt know... She feels her daughter would be better off with family members that she knew better and felt more comfortable with. (however IF there was nobody else, she would take her in a heartbeat).

This got our minds spinning... What if the extended family did not respect the openness we've developed?!!!! Then what?!

I feel the same way for the most part. I dont think I would name J as guardians, yet that is in no way because I dont want her to be their mom, she IS their mom. I would name a family member closer to us, who lives near us, and see's the twins more often. Also religion plays a factor in this as well, as do other things of course... BUT I have to figure out a way to make DARNED sure the openness is still there, still available, cherished and valued...... Let's face it, there are family members who question our openness, I know many a-parents who have faced this issue with family. I pray God helps me teach these people before my time comes if that is ever going to happen...

So yeah... Then we got to thinking about the flip side... What if my friend Angie dies (yeah I told her to go ahead and NOT die for a while)... But what if something did happen, how would her daughter KNOW of her, about her, in a truer sense then just the few pictures her mom has of her from visits.. Would E be able to continue to have a relationship with her brother and sister? Would the rest of my friend's family make sure E was still nurtured by the rest of her first family?

So much yucky stuff to think about, and all of them are hypothetical's of course.... My husband would roll his eyes if he saw me typing about so many "what if's" hahaha!