Update on Visit..

Well last week did not work.. We were really trying to get together, but it just was not working out that way with the short notice.

BUT.. There is good news! J is moving closer! Like a LOT closer! She will be about an hour away from us (only about 15 minutes away from my in-laws)

Hopefully she can get move there within the next couple of weeks, because we are going to try to get together and celebrate "Birthday Month" Not only are the twins turning one, but her other daughter will be four, her boyfriend will be 28 (I think), and she will be turning 20! I am SO excited at getting together with them!

please oh please oh please!!!!

I just found out that the twins mom is going to be visiting her mom this week, and wants us to come visit her!
Granted that is about a 5-6 hour drive for us, this is something I have hoped would happen and now it is here! (short notice and all!)

PLEASE oh PLEASE can I get some prayers! We are not sure of hubby's schedule yet (will find out tomorrow), and need to get an oil change and stuff before we go, so we would love to see some money drop out of the sky (lol)... I *think* we should be fine making the trip, but it will cut it short before next friday's paycheck...

I just picked up 2 matching shirts one for Latte (yeah another new nickname for my daughter) and the other for Starfish (the twins sister, who is almost 4yrs old). I was praying somehow I'd be able to get them photographed together in the shirts, but was going to settle for sending Starfish the shirt with a photograph of Latte wearing the matching one..

I REALLY hope this works out! This is the second short notice for a visit request and last time I was trying to plan things and she ended up moving out of state right when I had hoped to make the trip!

I also hope we will be able to meet more family members with this trip, as I have been talking to J's mom, sister, and brothers on MySpace, and would love for them to meet their niece and nephew (and for gma to see them again)...

THANK YOU ALL for your prayers, I am really anxious to find out if we can go and what day we'll be heading out!

Under the covers

Many of you know me from webforums, but some of you don't. To those of you who haven't seen this post already on other blogs or forums, I want to share it with you here, to preserve it somehow, and make sure people SEE it...

This is written by a former employee of an adoption Agency. I am going to edit out the name of the agency because I believe in MANY cases this has to do with more then just THIS particular agency.

(The author has given me permission cross post this) This was in response to a discussion regarding Ethical counseling being difficult to find in an adoption agency (since they would most likely paint Adoption into a "better option" vs. using a Unplanned Pregnancy counseling.

I am a former birthparent and adoptive parent counselor at (edited out agency name). I do not work for the agency (or any adoption agency) anymore. I worked in that capacity for four years, and just couldn't do it anymore. I have been surfing these boards for a few years...usually daily. The voice on these boards was the best 'training' I ever received on how to be a truly ethical counselor. The voice on these boards is what strongly led me to leave the entire adoption world. Thank you.

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did everything in my power to be an ethical birthparent counselor. I would tell women & men, "my life does not change at the end of the day, whether you place or not.... your life does... your baby's life does." I left the decision up to them, but I helped them pursue EVERY SINGLE avenue possible. Parenting, guardianship, help from relatives, birthfather 100% parenting, and different types of adoption. Some made adoption plans, most parented. The stats in my office were quite low of parents making adoption plans. Many of my moms/dads would come to a peace about their decision to parent, and would call me, send me cards, wedding announcements, birth announcements, etc... years after their decision to parent. I do miss this part of the job (which started as just that, but transformed into "a calling").

The type of work I do not miss are the staff meetings. The review of the numbers of placements, adoptive families, prospective birth parents (who of course were not called "prospective"). The reality of the revenue... the risk of job cuts "if the budget (read: placement #'s) are not met. The marketing contacts. The NCFA-sponsored trainings to healthcare professionals. The other counselors who did not agree with my perspective on birthparent counseling, and who did a crummy job of ethical counseling themselves. The prospective adoptive families who would call drooling over expectant parents. The finalized adoptive parents who would break promises to birth parents. The finalized adoptive parents who would have mental breakdowns after the baby was placed with them, and they were freaking out about "the overbearing birth parents" (who had an unexpected desire for future visits or more pictures). The prospective adoptive parents who could say that they would take 1/2 AA child, but not 3/4 AA child. So... so much that I do not miss... and stuff that I had little to no control over.

Ethical counseling is so huge. Ethical counseling at an ADOPTION agency is DIFFICULT, if not impossible. I know that I was doing the very best that I could, but there was ALWAYS pressure from above for more birth moms, more adoptive families, more adoptive placements. It was such a horrible conflict, I was working 10+ hour days, 50-60 hours per week. I had a master's degree in counseling plus 8 years of professional experience, and was making less than $30,000. Trying to meet everyone's expectations, you really can't do that for long when you're dealing with people's LIVES. That is why there is always a new birthparent counselor every time you call.

I have been rambling for so long right now, I don't even remember why I decided to post TODAY. After years of lurking, why I decided to post TODAY. I guess just to give an inside perspective. Feel fre to disagree or ask questions. I guess I am open to talking about this now