Brainfuzz: Random everythingness

*Why do all adoption topics started by a firstparent end up being a dispute with adoptive parents? Why is it when a firstmother tells a story, shares a poem, or reposts a letter she saw that reminds her of her child she gets attacked, or made to feel like she has no right to feel this way.....

*Why to p-aparents ALWAYS seem to think that an unborn child is "thiers" because an expectant mother chose them "to be the parents".... I dont completely blame p-aparents actually, I wish that e-parents would get the advice from thier councelors to strictly use terms like "IF I make an adoption plan".... That said, us, as p-adoptive parents should NOT be so stupid to think that OUR story is "different" and "she really means it" as if nobody else has ever told a p-aparent that and meant it! (and please, anybody that reads this and knows me.... IF I EVER act like this when I am chosen, KICK ME!)

*Why do brand new parents hire a lawyer and put up a huge fight when a unrecognized parent (father) comes forward wishing to raise his *assumed* child?? Granted, I think a paternity is in order, sure... BUT that part should be done immediatly, and if the child is in fact his, the child needs to be with his father.. His father did not make an adoption plan for his child... Perhaps the mother kept him from her, perhaps he did not know she was pregnant till very late in the pregnancy.... You dont know his story, and frankly you dont need to. Your adoption isnt final, its brand new. I hate it, but things happen to disrupt adoptions, and if you went into an adoption knowing a father's rights were NOT recognized, that is your fault for going into a risky adoption plan... I DO feel your pain, I dont imagine its easy... But its the right thing to do.... At least, that is how I see it......

*How SAD for an expectant mother to face "forced" parenting because the father will not sign his rights away...... This cannot be a good situation for anybody.. Im not saying that adoption is the "right" choice in this situation, its just REALLY sad to see a child suddenly become a "living pawn"... And too many times have I heard single mothers who have disputes with the father, gripe and moan and dangle thier child for money and other things... This is probobly what will end up happening when a mother is forced to keep her child so that the father dosnt "get" it (as if it was a stinkin jean jacket from thier relationship!!!) I TRY so hard not to be overly opinionated on this, especially when adoption was the original plan, but sometimes it makes me sick! (and really, I dont even know the ideal answer for a situation like this)

*Why do people have so many breaks in communication? Dont they know that is the biggest problem-causing issue there is! I cant think of one thing BAD that happened that dosnt have a ton of poor communication involved..... Swallow your pride, ignore your insecurities, "get over it" and communicate! Without it you are far worse off :)

And with that, I greet my pillow for slumber...

First thought...

Confabulations by Me is my newest blog that will be a place to discuss and share my thoughts about the adoption world, all angles, all points of view. I am currently on the waiting list to adopt a newborn in the US, yet I have many fears for how the current adoption world is working. Mainly my fear is that the agency will treat an expectant mother as a "baby machine". That scares and worries me, and most of all saddens and devastates me.

Why dont I simply choose a different method of adoption?

Because I believe there are cases, fewer then norm, but they exist, where I will be needed. I believe that somebody that chooses me someday will truely have no other choice that will be best for her infant child...... I want to be there for her, and for her child.. I would like to be a mother, but I would not like to "screw" smeone else to get there... And so my wait continues......

Right now I strugle with the idea of "what is best" for a child... There are so many opinons on this.

I believe a two parent home (while important and signifigant) is not a reason to place a child for adoption.. If anything this should be considered as a "bonus" but even adoptive parents divorce, so this should not be a signifigant reason.

I believe age is nothing... Ok personally its something, but I know mothers who kept thier children at age 14, and they did great, so Im not going to think my opinion is "law".. I am sure that SOME girls at the age of 14 would be terrible mothers (but so are some girls at age 35).

Drugs and Alcohol is a concern for me...... Do I condem a mother by taking her child because of it? Maybe? In some cases, most definatly... But I dont think all cases....

Finances? This depends, and its terribly sad..... I think a person can make ends meat with a part time job, and assistance from the state... But at the same time, if somoene is already struggling imensely, its hard to imagine how they will survive with an additional mouth to feed. How sad that this is such a problem in the US :( (I guess what Im saying is, if its finances as a main reason, then it should be VERY poor, like struggling to even keep yourself above water, you know what I mean?)

I can say all this...... YET, I honestly dont think I ever have a right to judge why a person should or should not choose adoption vs parenting...