I know I cannot take away the pain. I know I cannot fix this. I know that she hurts, or will have times of hurt. I know she wishes it were not this way. I know..
I can do all that I can in my power to be a good mom, to my children, to our children. I want to be able to honor their mom in every way, so that beyond all of her pain and hurt, she can feel loved and honored by her children, and by her children's parents (me and my husband).
I have a plea to my friends who read this...
Firstmoms, what have been the most treasured way's your child's parents have honored you?
Adoptive moms, what are some of the things you do, with your children, or in any way, that honors your child's firstfamily?
Right now, I pray outloud with them at night, I thank each of the babies, God, and J for having them in my life.
I talk to them about who they look like, and tell them about their sister as well. (Even tho they have no idea what I am saying).
I give them hugs from J when she asks me to, and tell them who it is from.
I try to always capture pictures that reflect things that remind me of J or her family. (her mom loves frogs, so I try to get some pics w/ frogs in it.. J has given them the cutest booties in the world, so I try to get pictures with them in them, as well as cloths J gave us (the day we met) from their sister when she was a baby.)
I try to write as much detail as possible in update letters
I send random short messages (we both MySpace) and pictures
There are more things I want to do, or plan to do... I am really curious what some of the other things families do, to honor their child's other mom.
Thank you :)
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8 comments:
This is a really sweet post... Those are some of the very same things that Bidgie's mom does. And that is more than I deserve or even dreamed of...Thank you for being a good mommy..
Hey but I just thought of something..In what ways can we honor you?
Communicate, write a letter to your child, let her know she is a great mom to your daughter..... To name a few things that come to mind :)
We look at jenns pic everyday and I tell her who it is, tonight I called her to tell her we were thinking of her and then I let her talk to baby bear on the phone, I think us loving Jenn the way we do will be one of the best things we can do, and I LOVE it when Jenn sends me a note telling me I am a great mom -- it means soooo much coming from her!!!!
Hey Angela... Send me you email addy. I want to add you to my invitation of blog readers. Thank you = ) lizzybetinlex@earthlink.net
I totally feel one of the best ways is to make sure I strive to be the best parent. I totally understand that this person has given me and entrusted me with a piece of their soul. I slightly disagree with you on your idea of Mother's Day. I celebrate it because I want my kids to celebrate their mother's, myself, their birthmoms, and all the other mom's in their lives (grandmother's, etc). I need to participate in that for their sake. I make sure we say specific prayers for her that day, and other big days like birthdays, holidays, etc. Those days when we seem to miss people we love the most. I know birthmom's hurt those days too. I know someday they may meet their birthmoms again and I need to make sure they walk into her presence with honor and gratefulness that I have instilled in them. That is how I honor my son's birthmoms. But for sure, I embrace wholeheartedly that I have been entrusted to be a mom to these boys, and not a babysitter. My son's birthmoms gave them to me to be a parent. I make sure I honor that decision by being the best I can be. Such a huge responsibility!
Are you referring to my post about boycotting this past mothers day?
I think next year I will hope to have a mother's day, and it will be my children's firstmom's mother's day as well, as every year will be (I dont believe in "birthmothers day" that is just silly and continues to build the wedge between families).
But this year, I did not need a Mothers Day, i did not desire to celebrate it.. And was blessed beyond meassure for J to call me and bless me with her well wishes to me..
It was a little of both. How to honor birthmother's in our hearts, and it carried over a bit to the other post. I know it's a fast transition to suddenly become a mother and Mother's Day can be strange. I think we can use it as an opportunity to show our kids how to honor their birthmother's as well. That's all.
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