I sorta kinda got tagged.

I've never really been "tagged" before, and if I was, I have no idea how to do it or what it means, but I saw a bunch of questions over at http://gettingitoffmymind.blogspot.com and she said that if her reader has anything to do w/ adoption consider themself tagged, so here it is.. :)

Im not sure how to tag people, so AMG if you are reading this.. consider yourself tagged :)

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

1. babies lived in hospitals till they got placed
2. Birthmom's placed babies out of convenience, and couldn't possibly love them.
3. Closed adoption was best, don't want to confuse the child.
4. Adoptee's were better off being adopted.



Four things I've learned since then:

1. Babies don't live in hospitals, the either go to foster care, interim care, or directly to their a-parents.. (could be more options, those are just the ones I know of).
2. Mothers LOVE the children they place for adoption, and they do forever. Nothing is convenient about choosing to place.
3. Open adoption is best. Closed adoption could confuse a child MUCH more ("why dosnt she want to know me"). Being fully open and honest is just part of it, and developing a healthy open relationship is going to give the child confidence in who he/she is.
4. Adoptee's may or may not be better off... It's just "different", NOT better. I know plenty of mom's who would have been super mom's had they chosen to keep their child.


Four silly things people have said to me about adoption:

1. Was she young, and unable to care for herself?
2. Do you ever just wish you could be selfish? (referring to my passion for having an open adoption).
3. That is so wonderful you adopted, how special.
4. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in miracles? Then if you have enough Faith, God will allow you to be pregnant.... (yeah um, Im pretty sure God made it clear to me when He took my uterus, that it was OKAY I never be pregnant..)


Four things that are hard about adoption:

1. Wanting to know the right way to say things to my children, to help encourage healthy open discussion regarding their adoption.
2. Answering questions that are not really appropriate, or NOT answering them yet still educating people.
3. Knowing that I may never know how hard things are for J, but knowing she must hurt secretly.
4. Educating others... Especially people who are close minded.


Four ways my adopted child/placed child has surprised me (or how your adoptive/first parents have surprised you if you're an adoptee):

1. Um that we were getting twins :) (they are only 7months old, so so far its in these types of things that surprise me, since they cant yet talk and surprise me w/ something they say)
2. They are white, and even blondies w/ blue eyes (that is the "pedigree" for many hopeful adoptive parents, yet we were open to ANY race, so it was surprising).
3. The love I have for them started the moment I set eyes on them, I was not expecting that.
4. They know us, and get stranger anxiety.

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

1. Adoption is not something you should do just cuz, dont adopt just cuz you cant have children, dont adopt just so you can get that little girl or that blue eyed baby, dont adopt to "save a child", dont think you are doing a wonderful thing, and dont think a firstmom is doing a "selfless and wonderful thing"...... (lol yeah, that's #1)
2. There are a LOT of unethical practices taking place in the world of adoption. If you are looking for an agency, look close at how they act towards firstmom's, and what organizations they support. A LOT of changes need to happen still in the adoption world.
3. I wish everybody truly wanted to KNOW all they could. I would encourage p-aparents to step outside of their wants and look at adoption from a different angle.
4. Adoptee's deserve to be treated as HUMAN... they deserve their original birth certificates, they deserve as much information about their first family as possible. It is disgusting and sad that adoptee's get ignored, or people assume adoptee's should just be "grateful" for being adopted and leave the rest to the past...