Who is "me" during a visit? hmmm...

I was reading Nicole's blog (I'd include a link but I think she took her blog down). She blogged about the personality, or mannerisms of her daughters adoptive mom was during their visits together... It was a really interesting read, basically saying she was always very nice, and did not loose her temper or even show much emotion (other then the happy-family face type of emotion). It got me thinking about who "I" am during visits with my kids mom.

I don't think I put on a different face for visits, other then hoping the kids don't erupt into a tantrum. I have corrected negative behavior in the kids (not sure if I can really call it negative behavior but more just stayed consistent in the rules of our house: like they have to sit down to eat a snack, so during our last visit I kept having to repeat myself "Sit down please" over and over again, which is what I do at home as well). I showed emotion when I first got there after a very dramatic drive to get there. I can't think of a time that I was not "just me" the "real" "me" (sorry for all of the quotes I hope you understand what I am trying to say).

I guess I look at visits the same way I do for anywhere we take the kids. My goals are that they have a good time, and we have a good time. I try to be consistent with them (I guess what I mean is that if I don't allow it at the house, I try to also not let them get away with it at other places as well.) Some things need to be altered a little, but those things are things I cant avoid, like nap times sometimes get thrown out the window or messed up a bit.

I wonder if J's personality is "her". It seems to be, she is laid back, easy going. What is really going on in her mind I wonder? She always seems to surprise me with things she says that honors me, things I don't ask her to say but am SO blessed that she said it anyway. Our last visit, we were getting ready to leave, and she said "You are doing a wonderful job with them". I guess I just never thought she should say that to me, I would think that would seem like something difficult for any natural mother to say to her childs "other mother". Those words will stick in my head and heart forever though....

~~~~~~~~~~~Writing this part of my blog just about an hour after starting it, because I have come to a conclusion about this topic all within this hour!~~~~~~~~~~~

So I just got off the phone with J (by the way her new nickname is "Mamma Starfish". And I have concluded that NEITHER of us are not "us" on the phone to each other. Of course, that is just my perspective, but on my end of the phone I KNOW I was "just me", and I'm pretty sure she was "just her" and darnit I am pretty proud that we can laugh and joke about some of the things we talked about. This was the longest phone call I've ever had with her too, so I am feeling pretty happy right now.

I am going to visit her with the twins at the end of the week. I think I will blog about my conclusion of "visits" and "being us" then as well. I cant wait to see her!