From J's boyfriend trying to teach Zman how to play Transformers on his console, Zman giving him "knuckles" (daddy taught him that hehe). Latte bouncing off the walls running back and forth to everybody and showing off how cute she can be without even doing anything specific to her sitting with J's boyfriend singing along with him to a song *melts*
We had such a great visit Saturday! We hung out in their apartment for a while and the kids played "drums" on their dinner table while listening to music. We went to a soccer field and ran around chasing each other and kicking the soccer ball around.
I like J's boyfriend.. I've always loved the fact that he's been in her life before the twins were even born. He loves the twins so much and it shows every time. And he is SO good with them! He said playing with them makes him want J to have their son already, he is getting anxious and excited! I am so excited for them.
J is looking and feeling ready! She's doing really good though, but I know the heat and pregnancy are wearing on her and I know it's normal for moms this far along to just want that part to be over with already. She goes in in just over a week! She is having a C-section, and I might be scheduling some time off to try to help her out some, with transportation and other things.
Anyway.. It's only been a couple of months since seeing J last, but the twins are changing a lot lately, and she noticed that right away. They had SO much fun they passed out and slept all night (which is a first all week!)
Anyway... I LOVE this part of open adoption.. It really IS a blessing on me, on the twins, and on J.
I also got to meet "D-man", J's boyfriends son. He is 5 and starts school soon. He is a cutie pie! The twins really liked him a lot also :)
Monday, September 08, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Newbrother
My twins are going to have a new brother in a few weeks!!! No no, I know what you are thinking... We are not adopting again. Their mom is expecting a baby boy, and he is due the middle of next month (but we think he will be early)
I am so excited! Right now the twins have an older sister, and when I look at her and Latte I see so many resemblances and it makes me excited to see what their brother will look like, and if Z-man and him share a lot of similarities as well.
I can not wait to meet him!! :)
I am so excited! Right now the twins have an older sister, and when I look at her and Latte I see so many resemblances and it makes me excited to see what their brother will look like, and if Z-man and him share a lot of similarities as well.
I can not wait to meet him!! :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I growed in your tummy
My best friend got to have her yearly get together with her daughter and her parents. This time they came to her house and I got to be there as well. So far I have been to every "visit" since she was 6months old. I have loved watching the relationship grow.
The first visit was rough.... I do not think any of them were comfortable yet, and they were still trying to establish their "place" in each other's life....
Each year it was better and more comfortable. This year was relaxed, and darn near perfect.
My friends daughter is 3.5 now and quite the little spitfire! She was telling my friends older son "I hate you!" and spitting on him! Lil' stinker! Anyway... The BEST part of the night:
I had my camera (it takes short video's). I had JUST hit the record button, not even attempting much other then just everyday-stuff in the get together.... Then it happens:
"E" (my friends daughter that she placed) walked up to "A" (my friend). Lifted up her own little 3yr old shirt, pointing at her tummy, she said "My mommy said I growed in your tummy before".... So matter of fact.... My friend, stunned... "yee-ah..." looking around not exactly sure how to respond... Before it was over E was already gone off playing with the kids again.
So precious...
I was so lucky to get that on video... I know my friend has watched it a bazillion times already. Now she is preparing herself for whatever is to come next year.
The first visit was rough.... I do not think any of them were comfortable yet, and they were still trying to establish their "place" in each other's life....
Each year it was better and more comfortable. This year was relaxed, and darn near perfect.
My friends daughter is 3.5 now and quite the little spitfire! She was telling my friends older son "I hate you!" and spitting on him! Lil' stinker! Anyway... The BEST part of the night:
I had my camera (it takes short video's). I had JUST hit the record button, not even attempting much other then just everyday-stuff in the get together.... Then it happens:
"E" (my friends daughter that she placed) walked up to "A" (my friend). Lifted up her own little 3yr old shirt, pointing at her tummy, she said "My mommy said I growed in your tummy before".... So matter of fact.... My friend, stunned... "yee-ah..." looking around not exactly sure how to respond... Before it was over E was already gone off playing with the kids again.
So precious...
I was so lucky to get that on video... I know my friend has watched it a bazillion times already. Now she is preparing herself for whatever is to come next year.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
It really stinks
It really stinks when new childless couples come into the adoption world and get slammed with TONS of information, most of it is extremely scary information that has to do with someone else, someone they had not taken a lot of time to think of and consider.
I am not blaming them. Many come into adoption with a child on the mind, nothing more at first.
I wish there was a better way to educate these ladies, and I mean REALLY educate them.
Who does it start with? Who is being held responsible for the couples who NEVER stop to consider the other's involved in the adoption process? This is an injustice to them but mostly it is a disservice to the children they are being placed with.
This reminds me of one of my best friends growing up who was an AA adoptee, who's mother called her the N word :( (what the?!!) I should try to contact her.
I am not blaming them. Many come into adoption with a child on the mind, nothing more at first.
I wish there was a better way to educate these ladies, and I mean REALLY educate them.
Who does it start with? Who is being held responsible for the couples who NEVER stop to consider the other's involved in the adoption process? This is an injustice to them but mostly it is a disservice to the children they are being placed with.
This reminds me of one of my best friends growing up who was an AA adoptee, who's mother called her the N word :( (what the?!!) I should try to contact her.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The visit I forgot to post about
So last month I visited J twice. Two times in 3 days actually!
The first was at a mall, we walked around, played a little, and had lunch. It was not as relaxed as I thought it might be, and by the end of it the twins were tired and cranky so that made things a little difficult.
The second visit happened because I volunteered to taxi J's boyfriend for his job stuff. Once finished driving him around I hung out with J and the twins sister A. We played in the grass, talked, played more... Very relaxing, and was so nice to just hang out with them. I got a lot more details about the birth of the twins, as well as stories of J. Mostly just casual conversation.
I wonder if J would agree, that we don't put on a different face during a visit... I don't know. She had to discipline her daughter a few times, and I had to get after the twins a few times. We might have been "nicer" in how we get after our kids in front of each other, but I think people in general are that way around company. It's not like I am a big-fat-bully when nobody is around, it just takes on a sterner voice I guess... One of those voices that just doesn't come natural around company :) I wonder as the kids get older and possible need that stern voice, if it will in fact come around when company is present.. I do not know. But I am still ME in those times.
So yeah, that's my story :)
The first was at a mall, we walked around, played a little, and had lunch. It was not as relaxed as I thought it might be, and by the end of it the twins were tired and cranky so that made things a little difficult.
The second visit happened because I volunteered to taxi J's boyfriend for his job stuff. Once finished driving him around I hung out with J and the twins sister A. We played in the grass, talked, played more... Very relaxing, and was so nice to just hang out with them. I got a lot more details about the birth of the twins, as well as stories of J. Mostly just casual conversation.
I wonder if J would agree, that we don't put on a different face during a visit... I don't know. She had to discipline her daughter a few times, and I had to get after the twins a few times. We might have been "nicer" in how we get after our kids in front of each other, but I think people in general are that way around company. It's not like I am a big-fat-bully when nobody is around, it just takes on a sterner voice I guess... One of those voices that just doesn't come natural around company :) I wonder as the kids get older and possible need that stern voice, if it will in fact come around when company is present.. I do not know. But I am still ME in those times.
So yeah, that's my story :)
Copy Cat
Ok so this is copied from a web forum I post to, but it is MY thoughts, and I still think them. I wanted it to feel more permanent so I am repeating it here on my blog.
__________
Recently I got to be a guest at my friend's visit with her daughter she placed for adoption 3years ago. This is the fourth visit and each time seems to be better and more relaxed and comfortable for everybody. (I have been able to be at all 4 visits so far)
This year, I came to a few realizations:
*I learned first hand that ALL stories are different. We try to post on here as if ALL stories were the same, but they really aren't. There is no single cookie cutter-adoption triad /story out there, I think we should be called "snowflakes" instead of "triad members" Smile
*I learned that men are ALL the same, but it's ok cuz it keeps them out of our hair sometimes.
*I learned that Barbie Jeeps dont hurt when they run over your toes.
*I learned that kids "get" more then we give credit to them for.
*I learned I missed something valuable in the process of placement... This is HUGE for me, and it has been really affecting my heart since realizing it.... Let me explain a bit:
It has been said here that the hospital experience should be the mother's time. I will STILL agree with that for *MANY* situations, but not all. Either way, it comes to the actual placement, the moment that many of you have or will face... A mother physically handing her child to you, bestowing upon you HER role, mother.....
I missed that... I did not have to look into a tear stained face and choke back my own tears as I was handed such a title... This has really made me take advantage of my role, without the memory... I dont know how to describe why I feel "badly" for missing this part of the process... I think it is because I looked into a face the other night, and SAW the memory come leaking out of a mothers eyes...
I do believe everything happens for a reason. My dear friend tells me that God knows my heart and was perhaps protecting it by not putting me through such an event. (I admit, I was dreading a moment like that when the twins were born, but thought I was GOING to happen *assuming she placed with us*, I never imagined we would be 2 hours away and not even SEE J for over a month after taking the twins home).
Our hospital time with J was like visiting a friend after a "normal" surgery. She was in great pain physically, but did not talk about it to us. She was not emotional, actually she was just candid and light humored. We talked about Anna Nicole Smith (I believe she had just died). We watched the TV in her room. J talked about how "sexy" the twins were, and showed us pictures off their digital camera. When we said goodbye, it was casual, it was friendly, it was surreal... The next 9 days were spent as "substitute parents" at the NICU. We knew we were not officially parents of these two, even though the hospital treated us as any other parent. We "parented" them in every aspect we could while we were there, and of course fell madly in love with them... We were the only people there, other then a wonderful hospital staff. I never wanted that, I was READY and WILLING for J to have *HER* hospital time.. I wanted that for her.... And it never happened. I thought about that a lot. But somehow I had forgotten or not really thought as much about what I missed.. The placement, the actual moment. I have to wonder if missing that means I am lacking in appreciation or understanding of why and how I am a mother.
...... so.... Those were just a few things I have been pondering since watching my friend visit with her daughter's mommy....
Some things that I also noticed, that are a lot more light hearted then the above:
both mom's:
About the same height
Somewhat similar build
Same color hair
Same choice in hair spray and obsession about hair (go "Big Sexy Hair"!)
Same/similar cute trendy fashion choices
both seem to like some of the same things
both are madly in love with a super cute super active little girl.
__________
Recently I got to be a guest at my friend's visit with her daughter she placed for adoption 3years ago. This is the fourth visit and each time seems to be better and more relaxed and comfortable for everybody. (I have been able to be at all 4 visits so far)
This year, I came to a few realizations:
*I learned first hand that ALL stories are different. We try to post on here as if ALL stories were the same, but they really aren't. There is no single cookie cutter-adoption triad /story out there, I think we should be called "snowflakes" instead of "triad members" Smile
*I learned that men are ALL the same, but it's ok cuz it keeps them out of our hair sometimes.
*I learned that Barbie Jeeps dont hurt when they run over your toes.
*I learned that kids "get" more then we give credit to them for.
*I learned I missed something valuable in the process of placement... This is HUGE for me, and it has been really affecting my heart since realizing it.... Let me explain a bit:
It has been said here that the hospital experience should be the mother's time. I will STILL agree with that for *MANY* situations, but not all. Either way, it comes to the actual placement, the moment that many of you have or will face... A mother physically handing her child to you, bestowing upon you HER role, mother.....
I missed that... I did not have to look into a tear stained face and choke back my own tears as I was handed such a title... This has really made me take advantage of my role, without the memory... I dont know how to describe why I feel "badly" for missing this part of the process... I think it is because I looked into a face the other night, and SAW the memory come leaking out of a mothers eyes...
I do believe everything happens for a reason. My dear friend tells me that God knows my heart and was perhaps protecting it by not putting me through such an event. (I admit, I was dreading a moment like that when the twins were born, but thought I was GOING to happen *assuming she placed with us*, I never imagined we would be 2 hours away and not even SEE J for over a month after taking the twins home).
Our hospital time with J was like visiting a friend after a "normal" surgery. She was in great pain physically, but did not talk about it to us. She was not emotional, actually she was just candid and light humored. We talked about Anna Nicole Smith (I believe she had just died). We watched the TV in her room. J talked about how "sexy" the twins were, and showed us pictures off their digital camera. When we said goodbye, it was casual, it was friendly, it was surreal... The next 9 days were spent as "substitute parents" at the NICU. We knew we were not officially parents of these two, even though the hospital treated us as any other parent. We "parented" them in every aspect we could while we were there, and of course fell madly in love with them... We were the only people there, other then a wonderful hospital staff. I never wanted that, I was READY and WILLING for J to have *HER* hospital time.. I wanted that for her.... And it never happened. I thought about that a lot. But somehow I had forgotten or not really thought as much about what I missed.. The placement, the actual moment. I have to wonder if missing that means I am lacking in appreciation or understanding of why and how I am a mother.
...... so.... Those were just a few things I have been pondering since watching my friend visit with her daughter's mommy....
Some things that I also noticed, that are a lot more light hearted then the above:
both mom's:
About the same height
Somewhat similar build
Same color hair
Same choice in hair spray and obsession about hair (go "Big Sexy Hair"!)
Same/similar cute trendy fashion choices
both seem to like some of the same things
both are madly in love with a super cute super active little girl.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Who is "me" during a visit? hmmm...
I was reading Nicole's blog (I'd include a link but I think she took her blog down). She blogged about the personality, or mannerisms of her daughters adoptive mom was during their visits together... It was a really interesting read, basically saying she was always very nice, and did not loose her temper or even show much emotion (other then the happy-family face type of emotion). It got me thinking about who "I" am during visits with my kids mom.
I don't think I put on a different face for visits, other then hoping the kids don't erupt into a tantrum. I have corrected negative behavior in the kids (not sure if I can really call it negative behavior but more just stayed consistent in the rules of our house: like they have to sit down to eat a snack, so during our last visit I kept having to repeat myself "Sit down please" over and over again, which is what I do at home as well). I showed emotion when I first got there after a very dramatic drive to get there. I can't think of a time that I was not "just me" the "real" "me" (sorry for all of the quotes I hope you understand what I am trying to say).
I guess I look at visits the same way I do for anywhere we take the kids. My goals are that they have a good time, and we have a good time. I try to be consistent with them (I guess what I mean is that if I don't allow it at the house, I try to also not let them get away with it at other places as well.) Some things need to be altered a little, but those things are things I cant avoid, like nap times sometimes get thrown out the window or messed up a bit.
I wonder if J's personality is "her". It seems to be, she is laid back, easy going. What is really going on in her mind I wonder? She always seems to surprise me with things she says that honors me, things I don't ask her to say but am SO blessed that she said it anyway. Our last visit, we were getting ready to leave, and she said "You are doing a wonderful job with them". I guess I just never thought she should say that to me, I would think that would seem like something difficult for any natural mother to say to her childs "other mother". Those words will stick in my head and heart forever though....
~~~~~~~~~~~Writing this part of my blog just about an hour after starting it, because I have come to a conclusion about this topic all within this hour!~~~~~~~~~~~
So I just got off the phone with J (by the way her new nickname is "Mamma Starfish". And I have concluded that NEITHER of us are not "us" on the phone to each other. Of course, that is just my perspective, but on my end of the phone I KNOW I was "just me", and I'm pretty sure she was "just her" and darnit I am pretty proud that we can laugh and joke about some of the things we talked about. This was the longest phone call I've ever had with her too, so I am feeling pretty happy right now.
I am going to visit her with the twins at the end of the week. I think I will blog about my conclusion of "visits" and "being us" then as well. I cant wait to see her!
I don't think I put on a different face for visits, other then hoping the kids don't erupt into a tantrum. I have corrected negative behavior in the kids (not sure if I can really call it negative behavior but more just stayed consistent in the rules of our house: like they have to sit down to eat a snack, so during our last visit I kept having to repeat myself "Sit down please" over and over again, which is what I do at home as well). I showed emotion when I first got there after a very dramatic drive to get there. I can't think of a time that I was not "just me" the "real" "me" (sorry for all of the quotes I hope you understand what I am trying to say).
I guess I look at visits the same way I do for anywhere we take the kids. My goals are that they have a good time, and we have a good time. I try to be consistent with them (I guess what I mean is that if I don't allow it at the house, I try to also not let them get away with it at other places as well.) Some things need to be altered a little, but those things are things I cant avoid, like nap times sometimes get thrown out the window or messed up a bit.
I wonder if J's personality is "her". It seems to be, she is laid back, easy going. What is really going on in her mind I wonder? She always seems to surprise me with things she says that honors me, things I don't ask her to say but am SO blessed that she said it anyway. Our last visit, we were getting ready to leave, and she said "You are doing a wonderful job with them". I guess I just never thought she should say that to me, I would think that would seem like something difficult for any natural mother to say to her childs "other mother". Those words will stick in my head and heart forever though....
~~~~~~~~~~~Writing this part of my blog just about an hour after starting it, because I have come to a conclusion about this topic all within this hour!~~~~~~~~~~~
So I just got off the phone with J (by the way her new nickname is "Mamma Starfish". And I have concluded that NEITHER of us are not "us" on the phone to each other. Of course, that is just my perspective, but on my end of the phone I KNOW I was "just me", and I'm pretty sure she was "just her" and darnit I am pretty proud that we can laugh and joke about some of the things we talked about. This was the longest phone call I've ever had with her too, so I am feeling pretty happy right now.
I am going to visit her with the twins at the end of the week. I think I will blog about my conclusion of "visits" and "being us" then as well. I cant wait to see her!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Facebook, and adoption adds
So I was checking my facebook games before bed tonight (yeahyeah I am an addict). In the side bar of my screen, where all the little add's appear, I see a picture of a couple and it says "Hi, we are looking to adopt" (or something like that) so I click the picture, to see what crazy adoption agency has linked profiles onto a facebook account! Well it's no agency, it is a couple's website! Pictures of their house, the ever famous "dear birthmother" letter, pictures of family, and each other and all the contact information for their lawyer. The front page looks like a job application in a way (but, dont most of those online profiles?)
I would post the link here, but I really dont feel like giving them free clicks.
Ok so this facebook stuff is geared at a college age audiance, and I am finding direct paid add's from p-adoptive parents who are looking to adopt... These are add's they are paying for on facebook to have posted on the facebook client, this is not the "google adds" that many sites have and use.
For some reason.. this just puts a bad bad taste in my mouth... (well not literally, cuz Im eating peanut butter m&m's, but anyway....)
What do you think??
I would post the link here, but I really dont feel like giving them free clicks.
Ok so this facebook stuff is geared at a college age audiance, and I am finding direct paid add's from p-adoptive parents who are looking to adopt... These are add's they are paying for on facebook to have posted on the facebook client, this is not the "google adds" that many sites have and use.
For some reason.. this just puts a bad bad taste in my mouth... (well not literally, cuz Im eating peanut butter m&m's, but anyway....)
What do you think??
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Yuck, and go away.
Tonight, I am disgusted to say someone found my site by entering the phrase "avoid adoption and give me your baby" into their google box and finding MY site...
I HOPE you actually READ my site, and did not click back and find information on such a terrible disgusting effort to "obtain" a child....
I really HOPE this was not in effort of what it sounds like, and I REALLY hope the majority of human-kind are not this uncaring and disgusting. I can pretend this person was not meaning it "that way" but sadly, I am going to go to bed tonight, thinking about what type of person would type/think/believe that....
yuck...
I am sick to my stomache now.
(by the way, this is not an "Adoption is lovely, don't avoid adoption it is beautiful" effort, because that is not how I feel either... This is a "WHAT kind of person wants to ASK someone to HAND them a child, who thinks this way and what is going on in their brain when they come to this conclusion......) IF you think to yourself "just give me your child", please do some major research, NOBODY "just" gives children away, it doesn't happen. Babies are not department store merchandise.
Time to sleep now.... thanks a lot for ending my night with such disgust, whoever you are.
I HOPE you actually READ my site, and did not click back and find information on such a terrible disgusting effort to "obtain" a child....
I really HOPE this was not in effort of what it sounds like, and I REALLY hope the majority of human-kind are not this uncaring and disgusting. I can pretend this person was not meaning it "that way" but sadly, I am going to go to bed tonight, thinking about what type of person would type/think/believe that....
yuck...
I am sick to my stomache now.
(by the way, this is not an "Adoption is lovely, don't avoid adoption it is beautiful" effort, because that is not how I feel either... This is a "WHAT kind of person wants to ASK someone to HAND them a child, who thinks this way and what is going on in their brain when they come to this conclusion......) IF you think to yourself "just give me your child", please do some major research, NOBODY "just" gives children away, it doesn't happen. Babies are not department store merchandise.
Time to sleep now.... thanks a lot for ending my night with such disgust, whoever you are.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Update on Visit..
Well last week did not work.. We were really trying to get together, but it just was not working out that way with the short notice.
BUT.. There is good news! J is moving closer! Like a LOT closer! She will be about an hour away from us (only about 15 minutes away from my in-laws)
Hopefully she can get move there within the next couple of weeks, because we are going to try to get together and celebrate "Birthday Month" Not only are the twins turning one, but her other daughter will be four, her boyfriend will be 28 (I think), and she will be turning 20! I am SO excited at getting together with them!
BUT.. There is good news! J is moving closer! Like a LOT closer! She will be about an hour away from us (only about 15 minutes away from my in-laws)
Hopefully she can get move there within the next couple of weeks, because we are going to try to get together and celebrate "Birthday Month" Not only are the twins turning one, but her other daughter will be four, her boyfriend will be 28 (I think), and she will be turning 20! I am SO excited at getting together with them!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
please oh please oh please!!!!
I just found out that the twins mom is going to be visiting her mom this week, and wants us to come visit her!
Granted that is about a 5-6 hour drive for us, this is something I have hoped would happen and now it is here! (short notice and all!)
PLEASE oh PLEASE can I get some prayers! We are not sure of hubby's schedule yet (will find out tomorrow), and need to get an oil change and stuff before we go, so we would love to see some money drop out of the sky (lol)... I *think* we should be fine making the trip, but it will cut it short before next friday's paycheck...
I just picked up 2 matching shirts one for Latte (yeah another new nickname for my daughter) and the other for Starfish (the twins sister, who is almost 4yrs old). I was praying somehow I'd be able to get them photographed together in the shirts, but was going to settle for sending Starfish the shirt with a photograph of Latte wearing the matching one..
I REALLY hope this works out! This is the second short notice for a visit request and last time I was trying to plan things and she ended up moving out of state right when I had hoped to make the trip!
I also hope we will be able to meet more family members with this trip, as I have been talking to J's mom, sister, and brothers on MySpace, and would love for them to meet their niece and nephew (and for gma to see them again)...
THANK YOU ALL for your prayers, I am really anxious to find out if we can go and what day we'll be heading out!
Granted that is about a 5-6 hour drive for us, this is something I have hoped would happen and now it is here! (short notice and all!)
PLEASE oh PLEASE can I get some prayers! We are not sure of hubby's schedule yet (will find out tomorrow), and need to get an oil change and stuff before we go, so we would love to see some money drop out of the sky (lol)... I *think* we should be fine making the trip, but it will cut it short before next friday's paycheck...
I just picked up 2 matching shirts one for Latte (yeah another new nickname for my daughter) and the other for Starfish (the twins sister, who is almost 4yrs old). I was praying somehow I'd be able to get them photographed together in the shirts, but was going to settle for sending Starfish the shirt with a photograph of Latte wearing the matching one..
I REALLY hope this works out! This is the second short notice for a visit request and last time I was trying to plan things and she ended up moving out of state right when I had hoped to make the trip!
I also hope we will be able to meet more family members with this trip, as I have been talking to J's mom, sister, and brothers on MySpace, and would love for them to meet their niece and nephew (and for gma to see them again)...
THANK YOU ALL for your prayers, I am really anxious to find out if we can go and what day we'll be heading out!
Judy's star
Please follow this think to read more about Judy, and how you can show your support for her.
Judy is a pretty rad mom, who blogs about her son a lot. She's also been blogging about her recent discovery of breast cancer.. Please say some prayers for Judy as she faces this difficult time in her life. Also please pray for her family.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
CPC
So the Crisis pregnancy center I visited the other day was SO slanted :(
SO much of myself deep inside of me is SO against abortion.. And it is easy for my brain to quickly think "then adopt" (of course it is easy, I've never placed).
Time and time again natural mom's have affirmed that *most* natural mom's do not consider abortion. They separate the two into two very different choices. And it makes sense to me.
The choice to carry a pregnancy or not.
The choice to parent or not.
It is still very hard for me. I see the dividing lines, I do.. But when abortion comes to mind, that line seems to disappear for me.
I do not know what I will do (if anything) with the CPC I visited. I am disappointed at how slanted they focus on adoption in such a positive light.
I tried to mention a few things that these expectant mom's should hear that is not fluff, but it is something they should be aware of (legally binding openness agreements and info around it, including a warning of aparents who lie about openness only to shut it down later). Immediately the director said "Oh goodness, I would not want to scare them with that" (WHAT!!!!??????)
/sigh... Seriously, I'm still stuck.
It REALLY sucks that they have connections with a specific agency, one that I have lost a lot of faith in over time. I wanted to bring up more information or ask questions but time was an issue.
I did ask them if they had heard of the NFCA (because she mentioned some adoption training they received). I told her that the agency that they advertise for was a big supporter of them, and then mentioned that the NFCA was very vocal in their stance on closed adoption.
Anyhow, I've tried processing this over the week but am still stuck in my thoughts.
SO much of myself deep inside of me is SO against abortion.. And it is easy for my brain to quickly think "then adopt" (of course it is easy, I've never placed).
Time and time again natural mom's have affirmed that *most* natural mom's do not consider abortion. They separate the two into two very different choices. And it makes sense to me.
The choice to carry a pregnancy or not.
The choice to parent or not.
It is still very hard for me. I see the dividing lines, I do.. But when abortion comes to mind, that line seems to disappear for me.
I do not know what I will do (if anything) with the CPC I visited. I am disappointed at how slanted they focus on adoption in such a positive light.
I tried to mention a few things that these expectant mom's should hear that is not fluff, but it is something they should be aware of (legally binding openness agreements and info around it, including a warning of aparents who lie about openness only to shut it down later). Immediately the director said "Oh goodness, I would not want to scare them with that" (WHAT!!!!??????)
/sigh... Seriously, I'm still stuck.
It REALLY sucks that they have connections with a specific agency, one that I have lost a lot of faith in over time. I wanted to bring up more information or ask questions but time was an issue.
I did ask them if they had heard of the NFCA (because she mentioned some adoption training they received). I told her that the agency that they advertise for was a big supporter of them, and then mentioned that the NFCA was very vocal in their stance on closed adoption.
Anyhow, I've tried processing this over the week but am still stuck in my thoughts.
Monday, December 17, 2007
PRAYERS NEEDED
I should have posted this already!
So my friend Lisa adopted a son a few months ago, and the poor baby has been sick off and on since birth (basically). He was preemie and weight barely 2.5lbs. Now he is 6months old and has already been to the hospital /dr's more times then ME in my life! (Ok that might be an exageration but Im sure that is what it feels like for him and his family).
So anyway, not long ago he had to go in for emergency surgery to remove blood from between his skull and brain. But the problem that the blood has come back. Not as much but it is still there.
His entire family has a cold, a really bad yucky cold right now, and he's back in the hospital because he's been sleeping throughout the days almost all day and not drinking his bottles. So now he is on IV and the dr's are watching him, basically the symptoms could be from his cold OR from the blood (or something else even) so they want to get him over the cold to see if things change... ugh...
They might need to drain his head again if it dosnt go down on his own. And if it gets anymore blood they will go in right away for surgery again!
Aside from that terrible drama, Lisa (my friend/the mom) banged up her leg the last time they were in the hospital, and she has no time to go get that looked at. So she's feeling pretty lousy with a sick baby, banged up leg and a crappy cold!
You'd think that was the worst? Well lets add to this mix.. Their cat might have been hit by a car, they cant tell, and it would cost a lot of money to have it checked out to see, money that they dont really have set aside for the family-pets right now during their other crisis, so the cat might die.
Lisa also has an older daughter, she is 2 and she's missing her mommy and "normalcy".
PLEASE friends, take a moment and say some prayers for my friend and her family! Thank you!
So my friend Lisa adopted a son a few months ago, and the poor baby has been sick off and on since birth (basically). He was preemie and weight barely 2.5lbs. Now he is 6months old and has already been to the hospital /dr's more times then ME in my life! (Ok that might be an exageration but Im sure that is what it feels like for him and his family).
So anyway, not long ago he had to go in for emergency surgery to remove blood from between his skull and brain. But the problem that the blood has come back. Not as much but it is still there.
His entire family has a cold, a really bad yucky cold right now, and he's back in the hospital because he's been sleeping throughout the days almost all day and not drinking his bottles. So now he is on IV and the dr's are watching him, basically the symptoms could be from his cold OR from the blood (or something else even) so they want to get him over the cold to see if things change... ugh...
They might need to drain his head again if it dosnt go down on his own. And if it gets anymore blood they will go in right away for surgery again!
Aside from that terrible drama, Lisa (my friend/the mom) banged up her leg the last time they were in the hospital, and she has no time to go get that looked at. So she's feeling pretty lousy with a sick baby, banged up leg and a crappy cold!
You'd think that was the worst? Well lets add to this mix.. Their cat might have been hit by a car, they cant tell, and it would cost a lot of money to have it checked out to see, money that they dont really have set aside for the family-pets right now during their other crisis, so the cat might die.
Lisa also has an older daughter, she is 2 and she's missing her mommy and "normalcy".
PLEASE friends, take a moment and say some prayers for my friend and her family! Thank you!
Friday, December 14, 2007
So excited!
Ever feel like someone is tapping you on the shoulder, but nobody is there? Or somebody is there, but they are not the one that tapped you?
Tonight I went to my sister inlaw's to pick up something at their house, and they were out. The baby sitter (a husband and wife) were there. They are great friends with them and I've met them a number of times. The husband was telling me about a pregnancy assistance place not too far from here that he went to help out at last week. Actually his main goal for bringing up the topic was just to tell me he'd noticed that the company my husband works for has donated a lot of things to them and wanted me to thank my husband and let him know that solidified his "preference" of home improvement stores... But I felt a little tap on my shoulder....
I asked him if he knew what their goals were in the center, and asked them if he knew if they were pro-family preservation or not, if he knows if they push for adoption or anything like that... I was curious what this place is all about.
I know their goals are to get ultrasound machines in all of their facilities. I just wish I knew more about what their goals are for these women once they do look at their child and possibly decide not to abort (yeah DONT think I am going there with the whole "Thank you for giving life" stuff for women who place. Most of you should know that I DO NOT think that most women who place for adoption EVER had planned / truly considered abortion).
Anyhow... I want to think of ways I CAN help, if this place turns out to be a cool place that I can reach out to....
Some of the things I've come up with:
* see if they have the CUB brochures I've heard so much kudo's about (but I'd best read those first before I start pouring them out to people right? I read it years ago but I know my own opinions have reshaped over that period of time).
* possibly offer some complimentary "belly shots", putting my "skills" to use for a good cause.. Having belly shots is pretty rad I hear, and I think it would be so cool for a woman unable to spend a billion dollars on expensive photographers to still be able to have something nice to keep to remember her pregnancy.
* find out what kinda of fund raisers they sponsor and see what kind of assistance they need with those.
* find out of they need/have "craddle care".... This has been a dream of mine for a long time, but I had thought I would wait a while till the kids were a bit older.. BUT hey, if this is something that is needed, I would love to look into it.. Or maybe just being there with new mom's or e-mom's giving them basic information on care for children? I dont know!
* just be there when I can to help... general stuff....
Please ladies, some of you may have been in places like this.. Im curious what types of things they need.. I'd love to get some idea's in my head before going there to visit!
OH YEAH I also wanted to tell you about a new location of they want to build really close to my home... It's literally ATTACHED to the same building as a "Planned Parenthood" center! Every week they go in, and place their hands on the wall that separates them from each other, and they pray over that room... He said they can even hear the suction machine :( bleh! I might get some more information on that location also, Im just not sure I could stomach whatever room that is!
Tonight I went to my sister inlaw's to pick up something at their house, and they were out. The baby sitter (a husband and wife) were there. They are great friends with them and I've met them a number of times. The husband was telling me about a pregnancy assistance place not too far from here that he went to help out at last week. Actually his main goal for bringing up the topic was just to tell me he'd noticed that the company my husband works for has donated a lot of things to them and wanted me to thank my husband and let him know that solidified his "preference" of home improvement stores... But I felt a little tap on my shoulder....
I asked him if he knew what their goals were in the center, and asked them if he knew if they were pro-family preservation or not, if he knows if they push for adoption or anything like that... I was curious what this place is all about.
I know their goals are to get ultrasound machines in all of their facilities. I just wish I knew more about what their goals are for these women once they do look at their child and possibly decide not to abort (yeah DONT think I am going there with the whole "Thank you for giving life" stuff for women who place. Most of you should know that I DO NOT think that most women who place for adoption EVER had planned / truly considered abortion).
Anyhow... I want to think of ways I CAN help, if this place turns out to be a cool place that I can reach out to....
Some of the things I've come up with:
* see if they have the CUB brochures I've heard so much kudo's about (but I'd best read those first before I start pouring them out to people right? I read it years ago but I know my own opinions have reshaped over that period of time).
* possibly offer some complimentary "belly shots", putting my "skills" to use for a good cause.. Having belly shots is pretty rad I hear, and I think it would be so cool for a woman unable to spend a billion dollars on expensive photographers to still be able to have something nice to keep to remember her pregnancy.
* find out what kinda of fund raisers they sponsor and see what kind of assistance they need with those.
* find out of they need/have "craddle care".... This has been a dream of mine for a long time, but I had thought I would wait a while till the kids were a bit older.. BUT hey, if this is something that is needed, I would love to look into it.. Or maybe just being there with new mom's or e-mom's giving them basic information on care for children? I dont know!
* just be there when I can to help... general stuff....
Please ladies, some of you may have been in places like this.. Im curious what types of things they need.. I'd love to get some idea's in my head before going there to visit!
OH YEAH I also wanted to tell you about a new location of they want to build really close to my home... It's literally ATTACHED to the same building as a "Planned Parenthood" center! Every week they go in, and place their hands on the wall that separates them from each other, and they pray over that room... He said they can even hear the suction machine :( bleh! I might get some more information on that location also, Im just not sure I could stomach whatever room that is!
What rights are there?
I was chatting on the phone with a friend of mine yesterday talking about her child she placed, and his parents.
Somehow we got to the topic of sort of "if's" (if this had happened, I would have done this)... And she said "I was told that if the adoptive family was found unfit the first 6months, I would be able to choose a different family, but if that had happened I think I would have kept him or had my parents raise him".
This got me thinking...
Do agencies do that? Call up a natural mom some months later to ask for her to do the family selection all over again? Can she change her mind at that point, and keep her baby? TPR is long gone and done, what rights will the agency allow her in finding parents for her child if this happens?
I am really curious now, about the "what if's".. Really curious... Especially if I consider a few mothers I know out there that would have taken that opportunity to reclaim and raise their child.
My gut says the agencies would not allow a natural mother to do that.. But am I just thinking that because the agencies constantly disappoint me, or do I have real reason to assume such a thing?
How often are adoptive parents found unfit during the finalization process and have their child pulled out of their home and re-placed with a new family?
Im SO interested now... Anybody have any information on this?
Somehow we got to the topic of sort of "if's" (if this had happened, I would have done this)... And she said "I was told that if the adoptive family was found unfit the first 6months, I would be able to choose a different family, but if that had happened I think I would have kept him or had my parents raise him".
This got me thinking...
Do agencies do that? Call up a natural mom some months later to ask for her to do the family selection all over again? Can she change her mind at that point, and keep her baby? TPR is long gone and done, what rights will the agency allow her in finding parents for her child if this happens?
I am really curious now, about the "what if's".. Really curious... Especially if I consider a few mothers I know out there that would have taken that opportunity to reclaim and raise their child.
My gut says the agencies would not allow a natural mother to do that.. But am I just thinking that because the agencies constantly disappoint me, or do I have real reason to assume such a thing?
How often are adoptive parents found unfit during the finalization process and have their child pulled out of their home and re-placed with a new family?
Im SO interested now... Anybody have any information on this?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Keyword crazy
Well it took long enough before my blog made much presence on google searches, but now Im finally getting to see what funny things people put in and find me..
"Fat Adoptive moms" (gee, thanks haha)
"Did jessica call nick on his birthday 2007" (well I sure hope so)
"child pronunciation key"
"confabulating minds" (can a mind be confabulating??)
and sadly:
"I miss my kids and want them to come back home sad poem"
"Fat Adoptive moms" (gee, thanks haha)
"Did jessica call nick on his birthday 2007" (well I sure hope so)
"child pronunciation key"
"confabulating minds" (can a mind be confabulating??)
and sadly:
"I miss my kids and want them to come back home sad poem"
Friday, November 16, 2007
Great news
The other day I requested prayers for the mom and daughter in China after loosing her husband tragically while there to pick up their daughter...
Well yesterday the US was throwing all sorts of crazy hoops to jump through for Sandi, but word is that congressmen stepped in and helped get things ironed out and Sandi and her daughter will be traveling home tomorrow!!
Praise God for answering this prayer!
Please continue to pray for them, as coming home will be somewhat of a relief, it will also most likely make the reality REALLY set in for Sandi :(
Well yesterday the US was throwing all sorts of crazy hoops to jump through for Sandi, but word is that congressmen stepped in and helped get things ironed out and Sandi and her daughter will be traveling home tomorrow!!
Praise God for answering this prayer!
Please continue to pray for them, as coming home will be somewhat of a relief, it will also most likely make the reality REALLY set in for Sandi :(
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Adoptee
I have a spell checker online that underlines my mispelled words as I type (ok yes mispelled is spelled WRONG apparently but I'm going to be lazy and not fix it.)
Anyhow... Whenever I type "adoptee" I get that red underline thingy again *ok so thiny isn't a word either so it says*... ANYHOW.. I can click the word and look at my options to correct my terrible spelling.. when I click on "adoptee" I get two choices.. "Adopter" or "adopted"!
Um what the heck is this world coming to when even a SPELL CHECKER forgets the adoptee's!!!!!
GEEEEEEZ!!!!! (yes, this is also not spelled correctly but it gives me NO choices, so I'm leaving it at that haha!)
Anyhow... Whenever I type "adoptee" I get that red underline thingy again *ok so thiny isn't a word either so it says*... ANYHOW.. I can click the word and look at my options to correct my terrible spelling.. when I click on "adoptee" I get two choices.. "Adopter" or "adopted"!
Um what the heck is this world coming to when even a SPELL CHECKER forgets the adoptee's!!!!!
GEEEEEEZ!!!!! (yes, this is also not spelled correctly but it gives me NO choices, so I'm leaving it at that haha!)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Oh well
So I cant blog once a day for a month, sue me :)
it's funny that I cant find something to say here once a day, yet I post on forums multiple times a day ha! Oh well, right?
Anyway, what's really truly on my mind right now is getting to know you... Who reads my blog? I want to know!
So if you have 2 seconds to respond. please let me know you're reading my blog :) Do I know you in other places, or did you happen to find me through someone else?
I look forward to hearing from you
it's funny that I cant find something to say here once a day, yet I post on forums multiple times a day ha! Oh well, right?
Anyway, what's really truly on my mind right now is getting to know you... Who reads my blog? I want to know!
So if you have 2 seconds to respond. please let me know you're reading my blog :) Do I know you in other places, or did you happen to find me through someone else?
I look forward to hearing from you
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