In her eyes

Last month we finally was able to make the trek down to the birthplace of the twins, and have our first visit with thier mother. It was really nice to finally see her again, and see the twins with her for the first time. We got to meet her daughter and her mother. I was nervous all the way there, but as soon as I got out of the car, my nerves were put to ease with the welcome we got from thier mother. She seems to be so content, and was really excited to indroduce them to her daughter. I smiled inside, as she introduced them to her, as her "brother" and "sister" (a term I had hoped she would use with them, but hadnt discussed it).

A little while later thier mother was holding princess. It was a sweet sight for me to see. Princess started to sort of wimper a little, and to my surprise and sadness her mom said "Are you looking for your mommy, I know, Im not your mommy". I couldnt find the words to say anything just yet, it was only the first few minutes of seeing her, and I wanted to see if she would warm up a little to this crazy new world she was experiencing.

Later on in the visit, we were talking about how the agency kept calling her to ask her how she was emotionally. She told me she did not need any counceling and she was glad when they got thier phone number changed. I told her if she ever felt the need for counceling to call them and let her know that they told us she would have counceling available for life (yeah, we'll see how true that really is, right). Well she said to me "I'm okay I dont need counceling. Besides, its not like I lost anything, see, they are right here". That made me feel really GOOD (for the time)... But when I really sit back and think about this, I know that eventually she is probobly not going to feel that way. I HOPE I can help her feel that way for the most part, but I think as she gets older, that feeling may not be quite as reassuring.

So, that was our visit. It went better then I expected. Not that I expected a bad visit, but I think I expected tears, or sadness, or something like that (wich I should know better, she has never really shown a lot of that). She did say her mother cried when she walked her out to the car. I hope her mother feels like a grandmother to them.

So now here I am, I feel like I prepaired for all of the "what if's" in regards to the twins firstmother and her feelings. But at the same time, I feel like a jumbled up mess of feelings. So this is what the adjustment period is like huh?