There was a recent discussion about wether or not first families should be notified if the a-parents died, and if it would be an option to name the first parents as guardians in such a case.
This has been a discussion heavy on me and my friend Angie's mind lately...
Angie is a firstmom to a 2.5 yr old little girl. When she heard this question posed, she felt right away that it would be wrong for her to become guardian to her daughter, in a whole new area with people she dosnt know... She feels her daughter would be better off with family members that she knew better and felt more comfortable with. (however IF there was nobody else, she would take her in a heartbeat).
This got our minds spinning... What if the extended family did not respect the openness we've developed?!!!! Then what?!
I feel the same way for the most part. I dont think I would name J as guardians, yet that is in no way because I dont want her to be their mom, she IS their mom. I would name a family member closer to us, who lives near us, and see's the twins more often. Also religion plays a factor in this as well, as do other things of course... BUT I have to figure out a way to make DARNED sure the openness is still there, still available, cherished and valued...... Let's face it, there are family members who question our openness, I know many a-parents who have faced this issue with family. I pray God helps me teach these people before my time comes if that is ever going to happen...
So yeah... Then we got to thinking about the flip side... What if my friend Angie dies (yeah I told her to go ahead and NOT die for a while)... But what if something did happen, how would her daughter KNOW of her, about her, in a truer sense then just the few pictures her mom has of her from visits.. Would E be able to continue to have a relationship with her brother and sister? Would the rest of my friend's family make sure E was still nurtured by the rest of her first family?
So much yucky stuff to think about, and all of them are hypothetical's of course.... My husband would roll his eyes if he saw me typing about so many "what if's" hahaha!
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Did you sign an Oregon OA agreement? I can't remember which state your adoption was in right now. Anyway, because it is legally binding you can write into your will that the terms of the agreement are transferred to the guardians of your children.
I think it's something that is important to discuss with folks when we ask them to be our kids' potential guardians. And the advice we got from one lawyer is that it doesn't hurt to reiterate your wishes in the will, even if there is not an official OA agreement.
Thanks Heather, great advice! Yes ours was done through Oregon, and we do have an OA agreement.
the will is a great idea --- we have one of sorts and I have verbally discussed our wishes with our family! uggh yucky to even think about!!! but I think I was actually the one that brougt it up on the forums!lol!
Wow. Interesting question and I'm certain a very interesting debate to ensue.
Wow, this really has me thinking. I wonder if Bidgie's parents died, would anybody notify me? We have no agreement. Just only a verbal promise to stay in touch with one another.
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