So the Crisis pregnancy center I visited the other day was SO slanted :(
SO much of myself deep inside of me is SO against abortion.. And it is easy for my brain to quickly think "then adopt" (of course it is easy, I've never placed).
Time and time again natural mom's have affirmed that *most* natural mom's do not consider abortion. They separate the two into two very different choices. And it makes sense to me.
The choice to carry a pregnancy or not.
The choice to parent or not.
It is still very hard for me. I see the dividing lines, I do.. But when abortion comes to mind, that line seems to disappear for me.
I do not know what I will do (if anything) with the CPC I visited. I am disappointed at how slanted they focus on adoption in such a positive light.
I tried to mention a few things that these expectant mom's should hear that is not fluff, but it is something they should be aware of (legally binding openness agreements and info around it, including a warning of aparents who lie about openness only to shut it down later). Immediately the director said "Oh goodness, I would not want to scare them with that" (WHAT!!!!??????)
/sigh... Seriously, I'm still stuck.
It REALLY sucks that they have connections with a specific agency, one that I have lost a lot of faith in over time. I wanted to bring up more information or ask questions but time was an issue.
I did ask them if they had heard of the NFCA (because she mentioned some adoption training they received). I told her that the agency that they advertise for was a big supporter of them, and then mentioned that the NFCA was very vocal in their stance on closed adoption.
Anyhow, I've tried processing this over the week but am still stuck in my thoughts.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
PRAYERS NEEDED
I should have posted this already!
So my friend Lisa adopted a son a few months ago, and the poor baby has been sick off and on since birth (basically). He was preemie and weight barely 2.5lbs. Now he is 6months old and has already been to the hospital /dr's more times then ME in my life! (Ok that might be an exageration but Im sure that is what it feels like for him and his family).
So anyway, not long ago he had to go in for emergency surgery to remove blood from between his skull and brain. But the problem that the blood has come back. Not as much but it is still there.
His entire family has a cold, a really bad yucky cold right now, and he's back in the hospital because he's been sleeping throughout the days almost all day and not drinking his bottles. So now he is on IV and the dr's are watching him, basically the symptoms could be from his cold OR from the blood (or something else even) so they want to get him over the cold to see if things change... ugh...
They might need to drain his head again if it dosnt go down on his own. And if it gets anymore blood they will go in right away for surgery again!
Aside from that terrible drama, Lisa (my friend/the mom) banged up her leg the last time they were in the hospital, and she has no time to go get that looked at. So she's feeling pretty lousy with a sick baby, banged up leg and a crappy cold!
You'd think that was the worst? Well lets add to this mix.. Their cat might have been hit by a car, they cant tell, and it would cost a lot of money to have it checked out to see, money that they dont really have set aside for the family-pets right now during their other crisis, so the cat might die.
Lisa also has an older daughter, she is 2 and she's missing her mommy and "normalcy".
PLEASE friends, take a moment and say some prayers for my friend and her family! Thank you!
So my friend Lisa adopted a son a few months ago, and the poor baby has been sick off and on since birth (basically). He was preemie and weight barely 2.5lbs. Now he is 6months old and has already been to the hospital /dr's more times then ME in my life! (Ok that might be an exageration but Im sure that is what it feels like for him and his family).
So anyway, not long ago he had to go in for emergency surgery to remove blood from between his skull and brain. But the problem that the blood has come back. Not as much but it is still there.
His entire family has a cold, a really bad yucky cold right now, and he's back in the hospital because he's been sleeping throughout the days almost all day and not drinking his bottles. So now he is on IV and the dr's are watching him, basically the symptoms could be from his cold OR from the blood (or something else even) so they want to get him over the cold to see if things change... ugh...
They might need to drain his head again if it dosnt go down on his own. And if it gets anymore blood they will go in right away for surgery again!
Aside from that terrible drama, Lisa (my friend/the mom) banged up her leg the last time they were in the hospital, and she has no time to go get that looked at. So she's feeling pretty lousy with a sick baby, banged up leg and a crappy cold!
You'd think that was the worst? Well lets add to this mix.. Their cat might have been hit by a car, they cant tell, and it would cost a lot of money to have it checked out to see, money that they dont really have set aside for the family-pets right now during their other crisis, so the cat might die.
Lisa also has an older daughter, she is 2 and she's missing her mommy and "normalcy".
PLEASE friends, take a moment and say some prayers for my friend and her family! Thank you!
Friday, December 14, 2007
So excited!
Ever feel like someone is tapping you on the shoulder, but nobody is there? Or somebody is there, but they are not the one that tapped you?
Tonight I went to my sister inlaw's to pick up something at their house, and they were out. The baby sitter (a husband and wife) were there. They are great friends with them and I've met them a number of times. The husband was telling me about a pregnancy assistance place not too far from here that he went to help out at last week. Actually his main goal for bringing up the topic was just to tell me he'd noticed that the company my husband works for has donated a lot of things to them and wanted me to thank my husband and let him know that solidified his "preference" of home improvement stores... But I felt a little tap on my shoulder....
I asked him if he knew what their goals were in the center, and asked them if he knew if they were pro-family preservation or not, if he knows if they push for adoption or anything like that... I was curious what this place is all about.
I know their goals are to get ultrasound machines in all of their facilities. I just wish I knew more about what their goals are for these women once they do look at their child and possibly decide not to abort (yeah DONT think I am going there with the whole "Thank you for giving life" stuff for women who place. Most of you should know that I DO NOT think that most women who place for adoption EVER had planned / truly considered abortion).
Anyhow... I want to think of ways I CAN help, if this place turns out to be a cool place that I can reach out to....
Some of the things I've come up with:
* see if they have the CUB brochures I've heard so much kudo's about (but I'd best read those first before I start pouring them out to people right? I read it years ago but I know my own opinions have reshaped over that period of time).
* possibly offer some complimentary "belly shots", putting my "skills" to use for a good cause.. Having belly shots is pretty rad I hear, and I think it would be so cool for a woman unable to spend a billion dollars on expensive photographers to still be able to have something nice to keep to remember her pregnancy.
* find out what kinda of fund raisers they sponsor and see what kind of assistance they need with those.
* find out of they need/have "craddle care".... This has been a dream of mine for a long time, but I had thought I would wait a while till the kids were a bit older.. BUT hey, if this is something that is needed, I would love to look into it.. Or maybe just being there with new mom's or e-mom's giving them basic information on care for children? I dont know!
* just be there when I can to help... general stuff....
Please ladies, some of you may have been in places like this.. Im curious what types of things they need.. I'd love to get some idea's in my head before going there to visit!
OH YEAH I also wanted to tell you about a new location of they want to build really close to my home... It's literally ATTACHED to the same building as a "Planned Parenthood" center! Every week they go in, and place their hands on the wall that separates them from each other, and they pray over that room... He said they can even hear the suction machine :( bleh! I might get some more information on that location also, Im just not sure I could stomach whatever room that is!
Tonight I went to my sister inlaw's to pick up something at their house, and they were out. The baby sitter (a husband and wife) were there. They are great friends with them and I've met them a number of times. The husband was telling me about a pregnancy assistance place not too far from here that he went to help out at last week. Actually his main goal for bringing up the topic was just to tell me he'd noticed that the company my husband works for has donated a lot of things to them and wanted me to thank my husband and let him know that solidified his "preference" of home improvement stores... But I felt a little tap on my shoulder....
I asked him if he knew what their goals were in the center, and asked them if he knew if they were pro-family preservation or not, if he knows if they push for adoption or anything like that... I was curious what this place is all about.
I know their goals are to get ultrasound machines in all of their facilities. I just wish I knew more about what their goals are for these women once they do look at their child and possibly decide not to abort (yeah DONT think I am going there with the whole "Thank you for giving life" stuff for women who place. Most of you should know that I DO NOT think that most women who place for adoption EVER had planned / truly considered abortion).
Anyhow... I want to think of ways I CAN help, if this place turns out to be a cool place that I can reach out to....
Some of the things I've come up with:
* see if they have the CUB brochures I've heard so much kudo's about (but I'd best read those first before I start pouring them out to people right? I read it years ago but I know my own opinions have reshaped over that period of time).
* possibly offer some complimentary "belly shots", putting my "skills" to use for a good cause.. Having belly shots is pretty rad I hear, and I think it would be so cool for a woman unable to spend a billion dollars on expensive photographers to still be able to have something nice to keep to remember her pregnancy.
* find out what kinda of fund raisers they sponsor and see what kind of assistance they need with those.
* find out of they need/have "craddle care".... This has been a dream of mine for a long time, but I had thought I would wait a while till the kids were a bit older.. BUT hey, if this is something that is needed, I would love to look into it.. Or maybe just being there with new mom's or e-mom's giving them basic information on care for children? I dont know!
* just be there when I can to help... general stuff....
Please ladies, some of you may have been in places like this.. Im curious what types of things they need.. I'd love to get some idea's in my head before going there to visit!
OH YEAH I also wanted to tell you about a new location of they want to build really close to my home... It's literally ATTACHED to the same building as a "Planned Parenthood" center! Every week they go in, and place their hands on the wall that separates them from each other, and they pray over that room... He said they can even hear the suction machine :( bleh! I might get some more information on that location also, Im just not sure I could stomach whatever room that is!
What rights are there?
I was chatting on the phone with a friend of mine yesterday talking about her child she placed, and his parents.
Somehow we got to the topic of sort of "if's" (if this had happened, I would have done this)... And she said "I was told that if the adoptive family was found unfit the first 6months, I would be able to choose a different family, but if that had happened I think I would have kept him or had my parents raise him".
This got me thinking...
Do agencies do that? Call up a natural mom some months later to ask for her to do the family selection all over again? Can she change her mind at that point, and keep her baby? TPR is long gone and done, what rights will the agency allow her in finding parents for her child if this happens?
I am really curious now, about the "what if's".. Really curious... Especially if I consider a few mothers I know out there that would have taken that opportunity to reclaim and raise their child.
My gut says the agencies would not allow a natural mother to do that.. But am I just thinking that because the agencies constantly disappoint me, or do I have real reason to assume such a thing?
How often are adoptive parents found unfit during the finalization process and have their child pulled out of their home and re-placed with a new family?
Im SO interested now... Anybody have any information on this?
Somehow we got to the topic of sort of "if's" (if this had happened, I would have done this)... And she said "I was told that if the adoptive family was found unfit the first 6months, I would be able to choose a different family, but if that had happened I think I would have kept him or had my parents raise him".
This got me thinking...
Do agencies do that? Call up a natural mom some months later to ask for her to do the family selection all over again? Can she change her mind at that point, and keep her baby? TPR is long gone and done, what rights will the agency allow her in finding parents for her child if this happens?
I am really curious now, about the "what if's".. Really curious... Especially if I consider a few mothers I know out there that would have taken that opportunity to reclaim and raise their child.
My gut says the agencies would not allow a natural mother to do that.. But am I just thinking that because the agencies constantly disappoint me, or do I have real reason to assume such a thing?
How often are adoptive parents found unfit during the finalization process and have their child pulled out of their home and re-placed with a new family?
Im SO interested now... Anybody have any information on this?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Keyword crazy
Well it took long enough before my blog made much presence on google searches, but now Im finally getting to see what funny things people put in and find me..
"Fat Adoptive moms" (gee, thanks haha)
"Did jessica call nick on his birthday 2007" (well I sure hope so)
"child pronunciation key"
"confabulating minds" (can a mind be confabulating??)
and sadly:
"I miss my kids and want them to come back home sad poem"
"Fat Adoptive moms" (gee, thanks haha)
"Did jessica call nick on his birthday 2007" (well I sure hope so)
"child pronunciation key"
"confabulating minds" (can a mind be confabulating??)
and sadly:
"I miss my kids and want them to come back home sad poem"
Friday, November 16, 2007
Great news
The other day I requested prayers for the mom and daughter in China after loosing her husband tragically while there to pick up their daughter...
Well yesterday the US was throwing all sorts of crazy hoops to jump through for Sandi, but word is that congressmen stepped in and helped get things ironed out and Sandi and her daughter will be traveling home tomorrow!!
Praise God for answering this prayer!
Please continue to pray for them, as coming home will be somewhat of a relief, it will also most likely make the reality REALLY set in for Sandi :(
Well yesterday the US was throwing all sorts of crazy hoops to jump through for Sandi, but word is that congressmen stepped in and helped get things ironed out and Sandi and her daughter will be traveling home tomorrow!!
Praise God for answering this prayer!
Please continue to pray for them, as coming home will be somewhat of a relief, it will also most likely make the reality REALLY set in for Sandi :(
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Adoptee
I have a spell checker online that underlines my mispelled words as I type (ok yes mispelled is spelled WRONG apparently but I'm going to be lazy and not fix it.)
Anyhow... Whenever I type "adoptee" I get that red underline thingy again *ok so thiny isn't a word either so it says*... ANYHOW.. I can click the word and look at my options to correct my terrible spelling.. when I click on "adoptee" I get two choices.. "Adopter" or "adopted"!
Um what the heck is this world coming to when even a SPELL CHECKER forgets the adoptee's!!!!!
GEEEEEEZ!!!!! (yes, this is also not spelled correctly but it gives me NO choices, so I'm leaving it at that haha!)
Anyhow... Whenever I type "adoptee" I get that red underline thingy again *ok so thiny isn't a word either so it says*... ANYHOW.. I can click the word and look at my options to correct my terrible spelling.. when I click on "adoptee" I get two choices.. "Adopter" or "adopted"!
Um what the heck is this world coming to when even a SPELL CHECKER forgets the adoptee's!!!!!
GEEEEEEZ!!!!! (yes, this is also not spelled correctly but it gives me NO choices, so I'm leaving it at that haha!)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Oh well
So I cant blog once a day for a month, sue me :)
it's funny that I cant find something to say here once a day, yet I post on forums multiple times a day ha! Oh well, right?
Anyway, what's really truly on my mind right now is getting to know you... Who reads my blog? I want to know!
So if you have 2 seconds to respond. please let me know you're reading my blog :) Do I know you in other places, or did you happen to find me through someone else?
I look forward to hearing from you
it's funny that I cant find something to say here once a day, yet I post on forums multiple times a day ha! Oh well, right?
Anyway, what's really truly on my mind right now is getting to know you... Who reads my blog? I want to know!
So if you have 2 seconds to respond. please let me know you're reading my blog :) Do I know you in other places, or did you happen to find me through someone else?
I look forward to hearing from you
Monday, November 12, 2007
Oh so sad :(
I dont really keep up w/ international adoption or the people involved, but sometimes things happen that gets my attention. (sadly its usually something devastating) and in desperate need of prayer.
A group of adoptive parents were in China, when the husband of one of the couples went into a diabetic coma and later died.... Family members still in the US are trying to get emergency visa's to go to China to be with the "Sandi" (the wife) and her daughter during this difficult time.
My heart aches so much for this situation. They just had their adoption "placement" day it sounds like, just a few days ago, and were going to be coming home in less then a week :( I cannot begin to imagine what this new mother/new widow is going through :(
PLEASE join me in prayer for Sandi, and her family and her husbands family. They are going to need them right now.
A group of adoptive parents were in China, when the husband of one of the couples went into a diabetic coma and later died.... Family members still in the US are trying to get emergency visa's to go to China to be with the "Sandi" (the wife) and her daughter during this difficult time.
My heart aches so much for this situation. They just had their adoption "placement" day it sounds like, just a few days ago, and were going to be coming home in less then a week :( I cannot begin to imagine what this new mother/new widow is going through :(
PLEASE join me in prayer for Sandi, and her family and her husbands family. They are going to need them right now.
Friday, November 09, 2007
What would you say?
Using my "Dont be sad" post a few days ago, I am curious to hear from others. Have you experienced this before from your children or people you know? How did you respond to them?
The thoughts of what I will tell my children when/if they ever tell me they are sad, or act like they are upset in regards to adoption (and heck not just adoption, life in general)..
For me, I really want to just tell them I am sorry they are sad, and ask them what parts make them sad, and let them know it is okay to be sad.... I dont want to tell them NOT to be sad.
Anybody else care to share their ideas or experiences?
The thoughts of what I will tell my children when/if they ever tell me they are sad, or act like they are upset in regards to adoption (and heck not just adoption, life in general)..
For me, I really want to just tell them I am sorry they are sad, and ask them what parts make them sad, and let them know it is okay to be sad.... I dont want to tell them NOT to be sad.
Anybody else care to share their ideas or experiences?
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Shout Out
This is a shout out to Dawn, for creating such a great website! You should all check it out and of course get an account :)
Kudos to Dawn, a mother I have learned SO much from, and never even met her! :)
Kudos to Dawn, a mother I have learned SO much from, and never even met her! :)
Don't be sad....Wait, what?!
So I was listening to two ladies talk about adoption recently. I did not know them and did not want to even begin to join in the conversation right then, but something one of the ladies said to me REALLY stuck out.
She was talking about a neighbor girl she knew who was adopted. I didn't pick up on how it came to happen, but for some reason the little girl had just revealed to this lady that she was adopted (even though the lady seemed to know already) and she seemed sad, or maybe the way she said it was said in a way that seemed sad... I dont know, like I said it's hard when I'm simply eavesdropping hehe :) The part that stuck out to me was what she said to the little girl. She told her "Dont be sad" and went on with the ol' "you have a mommy and daddy who love you, and a home..." you get the point, right? This is the age ol' destruction of adoptee's from what I have read, am i wrong? This is ignoring a child's right to be sad about the loss they have experienced, and telling them they should not grieve. I know I have read adoptee blogs who are were damaged by these very statements that were said/drilled into them growing up. This is the whole "be greatfull" bull that is counterproductive in the life of a child, right? My gut twisted... This wasn't even her child to say that to, it makes me scared of EVER leaving my children w/ people that I am not 100% sure of what their reactions would be (yeah so basically NOBODY). I never want my kids to face this type of attitude towards their adoption story. :(
ugh... my gut is twisting just typing this and imagining the look on my kids face if someone said this to them :(
She was talking about a neighbor girl she knew who was adopted. I didn't pick up on how it came to happen, but for some reason the little girl had just revealed to this lady that she was adopted (even though the lady seemed to know already) and she seemed sad, or maybe the way she said it was said in a way that seemed sad... I dont know, like I said it's hard when I'm simply eavesdropping hehe :) The part that stuck out to me was what she said to the little girl. She told her "Dont be sad" and went on with the ol' "you have a mommy and daddy who love you, and a home..." you get the point, right? This is the age ol' destruction of adoptee's from what I have read, am i wrong? This is ignoring a child's right to be sad about the loss they have experienced, and telling them they should not grieve. I know I have read adoptee blogs who are were damaged by these very statements that were said/drilled into them growing up. This is the whole "be greatfull" bull that is counterproductive in the life of a child, right? My gut twisted... This wasn't even her child to say that to, it makes me scared of EVER leaving my children w/ people that I am not 100% sure of what their reactions would be (yeah so basically NOBODY). I never want my kids to face this type of attitude towards their adoption story. :(
ugh... my gut is twisting just typing this and imagining the look on my kids face if someone said this to them :(
I am so bad.
I should know better then to try to blog once a day for a month, I mean...its not like Im NOT at the computer, and typing and going nutso in my "adoption-land" lol...
Anyhow.....
Anyhow.....
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
They are real, just like you
Please check out this
These are the faces of real women. Real mothers. Real people who have been separated from their children (through adoption relinquishment).
Please remember, when you are talking about a firstmom, that they are real people and deserve as much respect as you and I.
If you are new and looking into adoption, please find firstmom blogs and read them. You will learn more then you ever could anywhere else, if you will just listen.
(thank you Nicole, for your blog, and your slideshow)
These are the faces of real women. Real mothers. Real people who have been separated from their children (through adoption relinquishment).
Please remember, when you are talking about a firstmom, that they are real people and deserve as much respect as you and I.
If you are new and looking into adoption, please find firstmom blogs and read them. You will learn more then you ever could anywhere else, if you will just listen.
(thank you Nicole, for your blog, and your slideshow)
Monday, November 05, 2007
Tagged-
Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.
1. I grew up mormon and now I am Christian (yay me!)
2. I have never been drunk (however, I have been fairly intoxicated, just not "trashed")
3. People think I look 21 (I am WAY older then that).
4. I LOVE ice cream. I like to buy premade cookie dought and natural vanilla Bryers ice cream and put the cookie dough in it and pretend I am my own "Cold Stone" :)
5. I am not a great cook, but of course ALL my sister inlaw's and mother inlaw (heck and husband) are (lol)
6. I used to be a hard core RPG online gamer :)
7. I am rather upset that "officially" Dumbledore is gay, even though it may have been on my mind already anyway.
8. my kids ROCK!
Now to find eight people.
Becca
Alib
"Bears Mommy"
Angie
Momma to Roo
"Candlemom*AMG*
Vanda
HeatherPNR
1. I grew up mormon and now I am Christian (yay me!)
2. I have never been drunk (however, I have been fairly intoxicated, just not "trashed")
3. People think I look 21 (I am WAY older then that).
4. I LOVE ice cream. I like to buy premade cookie dought and natural vanilla Bryers ice cream and put the cookie dough in it and pretend I am my own "Cold Stone" :)
5. I am not a great cook, but of course ALL my sister inlaw's and mother inlaw (heck and husband) are (lol)
6. I used to be a hard core RPG online gamer :)
7. I am rather upset that "officially" Dumbledore is gay, even though it may have been on my mind already anyway.
8. my kids ROCK!
Now to find eight people.
Becca
Alib
"Bears Mommy"
Angie
Momma to Roo
"Candlemom*AMG*
Vanda
HeatherPNR
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Adoption Awareness
OPEN RECORDS, that's all I gotz ta say about that right now.
A few states have finally opened their records, but it is not over, there are still 40-something states left! Pass the word on!
A few states have finally opened their records, but it is not over, there are still 40-something states left! Pass the word on!
An end to the saga
My friend told her two kids today. (Our friendly 9yr old boy, and her 5yr old daughter).
They now know they have a sister, and are EXCITED for it! Eyes lit up and said "Mommy, can she live with us!?" *ugh* Heart-ripping moment for my friend, but overall I think her kids took the information really well. They now know they can come and ask her about it anytime they want to.
I know this was a TON of weight off her shoulders, but at the same time brings new pains and thoughts, so please say a prayer for her, and her family. Whatever questions her kids spring on her next, I pray she will be calm and able to answer them.
(your words made a difference to her, reading my blog, and I thank you for your kind words for her).
They now know they have a sister, and are EXCITED for it! Eyes lit up and said "Mommy, can she live with us!?" *ugh* Heart-ripping moment for my friend, but overall I think her kids took the information really well. They now know they can come and ask her about it anytime they want to.
I know this was a TON of weight off her shoulders, but at the same time brings new pains and thoughts, so please say a prayer for her, and her family. Whatever questions her kids spring on her next, I pray she will be calm and able to answer them.
(your words made a difference to her, reading my blog, and I thank you for your kind words for her).
What the heck
No way it's supposed to be 11pm or something, so lets just pretend I didnt miss my Saturday cuz I SWEAR I meant to have something interesting to talk about.
I blame daylight savings time being pushed.. And I sadly use the excuse that two little fuss-pants are not in the mood to sleep tonight, so yeah, no blog tonight. I already messed up!
One thought to ponder though...
Pre-Birth "matches"~ Should they be stopped? (and if so, why?)
I am leaning on the "yes", but I'm curious to hear some of your answers.
I blame daylight savings time being pushed.. And I sadly use the excuse that two little fuss-pants are not in the mood to sleep tonight, so yeah, no blog tonight. I already messed up!
One thought to ponder though...
Pre-Birth "matches"~ Should they be stopped? (and if so, why?)
I am leaning on the "yes", but I'm curious to hear some of your answers.
Friday, November 02, 2007
The 9 yr old's "UnKnowns"
I told you it would take a while to has this out. It haunts my brain and I am trying really hard to get a grip on the story that isn't even MY story!
The 9 year old boy, (you know the one that said he remembers seeing me w/ a big enough belly for two babies?) Well he has a sister, two actually. Only, if you asked him how many siblings he has, he would only say one.
A few years ago, his mother had a 3rd child and placed that child for adoption. Her son was barely in elementary school, and her daughter was only 3 at the time. She just never got around to explaining this with them about this new little infant that they got to hold and snuggle with before going home w/ her new family. And now her son is asking questions.
I have sort of come up with a pattern she might be able to use to introduce to her son (and daughter) to who this little girl mommy talks about all the time is. Simple casual things she could say that would sort of evolve into deeper discussion on it as they begin to understand....
But, my friend is scared to face those questions...
Stuck.
I wish I knew what might help her, I think the sooner she tells him the better, because he needs to know!
Anyhow... so you all don't think I am some crazy person telling my friend's story w/out her knowledge, please know that I asked her if I could blog about this, maybe we can get some idea's on ways to bring this stuff up to her son....
*I THINK he knows, he knows something... He clammed up when we started talking about my twins having been adopted, and had this funny look in his eyes... He knows something, I am just not sure what he knows..*
The 9 year old boy, (you know the one that said he remembers seeing me w/ a big enough belly for two babies?) Well he has a sister, two actually. Only, if you asked him how many siblings he has, he would only say one.
A few years ago, his mother had a 3rd child and placed that child for adoption. Her son was barely in elementary school, and her daughter was only 3 at the time. She just never got around to explaining this with them about this new little infant that they got to hold and snuggle with before going home w/ her new family. And now her son is asking questions.
I have sort of come up with a pattern she might be able to use to introduce to her son (and daughter) to who this little girl mommy talks about all the time is. Simple casual things she could say that would sort of evolve into deeper discussion on it as they begin to understand....
But, my friend is scared to face those questions...
Stuck.
I wish I knew what might help her, I think the sooner she tells him the better, because he needs to know!
Anyhow... so you all don't think I am some crazy person telling my friend's story w/out her knowledge, please know that I asked her if I could blog about this, maybe we can get some idea's on ways to bring this stuff up to her son....
*I THINK he knows, he knows something... He clammed up when we started talking about my twins having been adopted, and had this funny look in his eyes... He knows something, I am just not sure what he knows..*
Thursday, November 01, 2007
9 yr old's Dad. (v.3.0)
Okay, same dinner from the last two posts..
The entire conversation started because my friend's husband asked me:
"When you get older, what do you want the twins to call you"
Ummmmmmmm... "Mom" would be good..??
Usually I am faced with "what do you want the twins to call their firstmother?"
They can call her "mom", "momma J", "J", "hey you" (though I'd prefer they pick something more polite then "hey you")
Bleh, Titles... labels... While I DO love to carry my title/label as "mom", having any addition to those titles just sucks.
While I do use "adoptive mom/firstmom" when i talk about things sometimes, it is to distinguish between who I am referring to in a given moment, most of the time I have found myself feeling much more comfortable simply saying "mom" when referring to myself and J.
Anyhow.. yeah
Titles... they can be frusterating at times.
Here is a great poem regarding titles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This poem is untitled.
This poem has no title.
This poem wants no title.
This poem rebels against any
appropriate, feasible and/or
logical title that you may happen to think of.
The first line of this poem
is not to be supplemented as a title.
It is not even to be referred to as:
“The Poem That is Untitled”
or “That Untitled Poem”
or “Untitled.”
It is to have no name, heading
or abbreviated term or reference of any type.
And this poem upholds the God-given right
to remain untitled.
If it is ever to be referred to,
it is to be recited in its entirety
and read with all sincerity.
This poem is untitled
is never to be titled
and shall not ever have a title.
This poem also reserves the right to peter out.
(footnote: this poem is diminished not quite finished)
..this poem is by Cameron Semmens
(good definition of a parable)
R. Grace Imathiu uses this poem to illustrate a point:
Our tradition has not done us any favors by giving the parable the popular title “The Parable of the Prodigal Son”. The parable did not originally come with a title. And let it be noted, I have nothing against titles; they are often helpful. But titles can sometimes be harmful and even dangerous. Titles put a good story in a cage and mislead us into thinking that naming the thing tells us everything there is to know about it. Titles tend to domesticate and tame good stories until they become easy and mundane and impotent. Titles can make us lazy and complacent..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In regards to "Birthmom", how many of us have painted a picture of what a "birthmom" is? The title alone telling us everything we think there is to know about a "birthmom". We miss the truth when we block it with titles..
The entire conversation started because my friend's husband asked me:
"When you get older, what do you want the twins to call you"
Ummmmmmmm... "Mom" would be good..??
Usually I am faced with "what do you want the twins to call their firstmother?"
They can call her "mom", "momma J", "J", "hey you" (though I'd prefer they pick something more polite then "hey you")
Bleh, Titles... labels... While I DO love to carry my title/label as "mom", having any addition to those titles just sucks.
While I do use "adoptive mom/firstmom" when i talk about things sometimes, it is to distinguish between who I am referring to in a given moment, most of the time I have found myself feeling much more comfortable simply saying "mom" when referring to myself and J.
Anyhow.. yeah
Titles... they can be frusterating at times.
Here is a great poem regarding titles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This poem is untitled.
This poem has no title.
This poem wants no title.
This poem rebels against any
appropriate, feasible and/or
logical title that you may happen to think of.
The first line of this poem
is not to be supplemented as a title.
It is not even to be referred to as:
“The Poem That is Untitled”
or “That Untitled Poem”
or “Untitled.”
It is to have no name, heading
or abbreviated term or reference of any type.
And this poem upholds the God-given right
to remain untitled.
If it is ever to be referred to,
it is to be recited in its entirety
and read with all sincerity.
This poem is untitled
is never to be titled
and shall not ever have a title.
This poem also reserves the right to peter out.
(footnote: this poem is diminished not quite finished)
..this poem is by Cameron Semmens
(good definition of a parable)
R. Grace Imathiu uses this poem to illustrate a point:
Our tradition has not done us any favors by giving the parable the popular title “The Parable of the Prodigal Son”. The parable did not originally come with a title. And let it be noted, I have nothing against titles; they are often helpful. But titles can sometimes be harmful and even dangerous. Titles put a good story in a cage and mislead us into thinking that naming the thing tells us everything there is to know about it. Titles tend to domesticate and tame good stories until they become easy and mundane and impotent. Titles can make us lazy and complacent..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In regards to "Birthmom", how many of us have painted a picture of what a "birthmom" is? The title alone telling us everything we think there is to know about a "birthmom". We miss the truth when we block it with titles..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
