I told you it would take a while to has this out. It haunts my brain and I am trying really hard to get a grip on the story that isn't even MY story!
The 9 year old boy, (you know the one that said he remembers seeing me w/ a big enough belly for two babies?) Well he has a sister, two actually. Only, if you asked him how many siblings he has, he would only say one.
A few years ago, his mother had a 3rd child and placed that child for adoption. Her son was barely in elementary school, and her daughter was only 3 at the time. She just never got around to explaining this with them about this new little infant that they got to hold and snuggle with before going home w/ her new family. And now her son is asking questions.
I have sort of come up with a pattern she might be able to use to introduce to her son (and daughter) to who this little girl mommy talks about all the time is. Simple casual things she could say that would sort of evolve into deeper discussion on it as they begin to understand....
But, my friend is scared to face those questions...
Stuck.
I wish I knew what might help her, I think the sooner she tells him the better, because he needs to know!
Anyhow... so you all don't think I am some crazy person telling my friend's story w/out her knowledge, please know that I asked her if I could blog about this, maybe we can get some idea's on ways to bring this stuff up to her son....
*I THINK he knows, he knows something... He clammed up when we started talking about my twins having been adopted, and had this funny look in his eyes... He knows something, I am just not sure what he knows..*
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I can't remember who I talked to, which counselor who worked with families around adoption and sibling issues. But she said they *do* know -- they sense it. I send this woman many hugs. My mom's sister never told her daughters about their older sister until their older sister found her again. Her daughters love her and they supported her absolutely and grieved for all the private grieving she'd done. It ate my aunt up inside for almost three decades and I'm so sad that she didn't know there was all this love and support waiting for her if only she'd been able to tell. :(
I would not be surprised at all if he knows but I imagine he's probably worried that if he talks about his sister having been placed, it will bring up sad feelings for his mom & himself.
I can equate it to when I hit about 9-10 years old and I completely clammed up about having had cancer a few years earlier. I did not want to talk about it, didn't want anyone to know because I was scared it would happen again and I knew it made my parents sad, me sad, my sister sad.
I do think it is best she talks to them and soon but big hugs to your friend (I'm pretty sure I know who you mean...)because it must be a very hard thing to even start to bring up.
was I that obvious? :) Well she knows I am writing this, so hope she doesn't mind some people knowing who I am talking about.
I know she could use some words of encouragement.
Thanks Dawn and Erin.
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